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Conan

Season 3 · Episode 118

One If by Land, Two If by Jetski

0.0July 30, 2013

Neil Patrick Harris, Shailene Woodley and comedian Dan St. Germaine

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Episodes

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Episode 1Superman Takes Ambien and Accidentally Sleep-Destroys Tokyo
Episode 2Saw VI: The Past Tense of See VI
Episode 3I've Got 100 Problems, and Yes, Karen Is One of Them
Episode 4The Day They Announced Five More Twilight Movies
Episode 5"Boo!", Said Boo Radley When Asked What His Name Was
Episode 6The Vague Man Who Said Something
Episode 7The Lorax XXX
Episode 8What Does Not Kill You, Only Makes You Decide to Sell Your Hang Gliding Equipment on eBay

Episode 9Dial N for "Not How You Spell Murder"

Episode 10Surprise, Fourth Graders, You're the Mets!

Episode 11The Unicorn That Hated Little Girls

Episode 12The Lion, the Witch, and the Ward Boss

Episode 13The Puppy Photo That Got 42 Dislikes

Episode 14Honey, Can You Please Help Me Open This Can of Whoop-Ass?

Episode 15The Announcer Who Couldn't Sing

Episode 16Star Wars Episode 7: A Cautiously Optimistic Hope

Episode 17The Narcoleptic Insomniac

Episode 18Conan's Got a Cold

Episode 19The Unfortunate Rap Career of Dr. Dreidel

Episode 20Melf Hunters 3: North Polin'

Episode 21The Grinch Who Returned Christmas for Full Store Credit

Episode 22The Present with No Air Holes That Stopped Meowing

Episode 23Whatever You Do, Do Not Do a Google Image Search for "Geese-a-Laying"

Episode 246 Resolutions Broken, 3 to Go

Episode 25The Guy Who Drove a Hummer and Wasn't a Total A-Hole

Episode 26Fool Me Once, Shame on You, Fool Me Twice, I Kick You in the Scrote

Episode 27Betty White's Bud in Bieber's Bong

Episode 28All Quiet on the Western Front, Until Someone's Car Alarm Went Off

Episode 29Smells Like Murder, But It's Probably Fish

Episode 30The Chamomile Conundrum

Episode 31Texas Chainsaw Seminar: How to Sell Chainsaws from Home!

Episode 32Siri, Where Is My Kidney?

Episode 33The Long Awaited Revenge of Zippy Smiles

Episode 34Step Up 3D 2: The Stepening

Episode 35The Least Fantastic Pants of Professor Downplays-His-Pants

Episode 36Sweet Home Al-Jazeera

Episode 37The Day the Mime Stood Still

Episode 38Watch Tonight's Show and Live Forever* (*This Claim Is 100% False)

Episode 39Occupy CONAN: When Outsourcing Goes Too Far

Episode 40The Day Lincoln Joined LinkedIn

Episode 41Charlie and the Chocolate Factory That Was a Front for a Sweatshop That Makes Gym Bags

Episode 42Yahtzee at the OK Corral

Episode 43The Strange Case of Case Strangerson

Episode 44The Postman Always Butt-Dials Twice

Episode 45The Walls Have Ears, and Other Side Effects of This Medication

Episode 46The Hunchback of Notre Dame Law School

Episode 47Love Means Never Having to Say, "Do You Think Your Friend Would Be Into a Three-Way?"

Episode 48The Surprising Bar Mitzvah of Seamus O'Flannery

Episode 49"Waka Flocka Flame," Said the Drunk Rooster

Episode 50The Roomba with a View

Episode 51The All-Girl Sausage Party

Episode 52You Have the Right to Remain Naked

Episode 53The Legend of Legend Cove

Episode 54The Exquisitely Subtle Beauty of a Perfectly Formed Badonkadonk

Episode 55Kathy, Will You Marry Me? Give Me Your Answer in Tomorrow's Episode Title

Episode 56Yes I'll Marry You, But My Name Is Karen, Not Kathy

Episode 57The Ex-Cons Who Discussed the Pros and Cons of Prose

Episode 58A Time to Kill Time

Episode 59The Octopus Who Was a Master Pickpocket in Highly Specific Circumstances

Episode 60The Sophomore Who Took a Year Off to Find Himself Unemployable

Episode 61Angels in Poorly-Made Devil Costumes

Episode 62The Man in the Gray Flannel Snuggie

Episode 63I Just Called to Say I Love Wheat Thins

Episode 64The Title with the Unnecessary Question Mark?

Episode 65The Auto-Corrector's Last Will & Testicle

Episode 66The Ginger Went Down to Georgia

Episode 67It's Not the Heatlanta, It's the Humidylanta

Episode 68Gone with the Wind, But Don't Worry, We're Insured

Episode 69The Show Where We Partied Too Much in Atlanta to Think of a Good Episode Title

Episode 70The Inspiring Journey of the Armless, Legless...Oh Wait That's a Snake

Episode 71The Surprisingly Non-Ostentatious Summer Home of King Tut

Episode 72Beer Squad: Battle in Sudsville

Episode 73Zero Dark Thirty: The Squeakquel

Episode 74The Episode Title WITH Misplaced Emphasis

Episode 75Keep Your Friends Close, Your Frenemies Closer

Episode 76Django Snowchained

Episode 77Auto-Corrective Asphyxiation

Episode 78Return of the Dawn of the Sequel III

Episode 79Are You There God? It's Me, a Courtesy Call from Time Warner Cable to Tell You About How Much You Can Save by Bundling Services

Episode 80Green Eggs and Ham and Trichinosis

Episode 81Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the Ruination of His Middle Name

Episode 82The Episode Title with the Inset Box of Me

Episode 83The Court Martial of Cap'n Crunch

Episode 84Press "Pound" for Murder

Episode 85The Very Understated Adventures of Captain Beige

Episode 86There Is No "I" in Tim. That's How Unselfish He Is!

Episode 87IMDBCooper

Episode 88"Why Are You All Laughing?" Asked the Glass Blower

Episode 89The Princess and the P. Diddy

Episode 90Kentucky Freud Chicken and the Terrible Psychiatry Joke

Episode 91The Completely Flat Man... in 3-D!!!

Episode 92The Illegitimate Rise of Steve Bastard

Episode 93Butt-Dial M for Murder

Episode 94The Exotic Marigold Hotel 2: Dench Does Dallas

Episode 95The Man Whose Darkest Secret Is That He Kind of Likes The Wallflowers

Episode 96Alien Meets The Fokkers

Episode 97The Limber Chef Who Tossed His Own Salad

Episode 98Do Not Ask for Whom the Bell Tolls, Because It's Out for Its Annual Servicing

Episode 99Escape from Podcast Mountain

Episode 100The Fast & the Dealing-with-Their-Fury-Through-Journaling 6

Episode 101The Announcer Who Repeated Himself. The Announcer Who Repeated Himself.

Episode 102The Mysterious Case of the Two Talk Guests and One Musical Guest

Episode 103Never Name Your Daughter Dilda

Episode 104The Road to Hell Is Paved with Good Intentions Brand Asphalt, Good Intentions Brand, Ask for It By Name!

Episode 105The Slowly Bobbing Adventures of Buoy Boy

Episode 106When Your Friend's Kid Just Starts Listing Dinosaurs, It's Okay to Give Him Beer.

Episode 107My Friend Went to the Ed Hardy Outlet and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Episode 108The Episode Where We Worked So Hard on the Show We Didn't Have Time to Come Up with a Great Episode Title, So Let's Just Call This One "Steve"

Episode 109The Day the Earth Stood Still Just Long Enough to Take One Good Selfie

Episode 110There, There, Don't Cry. Andy Just Went to Live on a Farm

Episode 111Zero on the Richter Scale

Episode 112Cheapskate Charley and the Taped-Up iPhone 3S

Episode 11399% Effort, 1% Milk.

Episode 114Dog Nerd-A-Palooza: Labradorks vs. Poodle-Dexters

Episode 115"What Is Jeopardy?" Said the Senile Alex Trebek

Episode 116Slow and Steady Wins the Participation Trophy

Episode 117Littering in London: Jack the Ripper's Lesser Crimes

Episode 118One If by Land, Two If by Jetski

Episode 119Dragon Hunt 2: Scorchy's Revenge

Episode 120My Big Fat Greek Landlord

Episode 121Journey to Joke Mountain 3: The Laughening

Episode 122Free Pizza for Everyone!* (*The statements made in CONAN show titles do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of this company.)

Episode 123Egg Police: Omelet You Go with a Warning

Episode 124The iTunes Update That Made All the Difference

Episode 125Now You See Me, Now You Put On Your Glasses and See Me Better.

Episode 126Conan and Andy's Laughquest '13 in 3D

Episode 127The Mysterious Case of No Wait We Did This One

Episode 128Goodfellas 2: Betterfellas

Episode 129The Touchscreen That Didn't Like to Be Touched

Episode 130The Self-Centered Man Who Called It "MeTube"

Episode 131DoubleVision Theater presents: 24 ANGRY MEN

Episode 132The Evil "S" Who Turned Laughter to Slaughter

Episode 133A Bar Walks Into a Horse for a Change

Episode 134The Man Who Would Be King, but Chose to Sell Home Appliances Instead

Episode 135Nurder, She Wrote without Proofreading

Episode 136Ted Nugent and Quentin Tarantino Present: Django Wango Tango

Episode 137The One Movie Even Nicolas Cage Wouldn't Star In

Episode 138Goodzilla: The Giant Lizard Who Taught Reading Skills

Episode 139The Fast and the Bi-Curious

Episode 140Mr. White Meets Mr. Extremely White

Episode 141Now Is the Winter of Our Disco Tent

Episode 142The Black Guy Who Had Almost Every Springsteen Album

Episode 143Word Is a Four-Letter Word

Episode 144The Microphone That Suddenly Went Off in the Middle Of

Episode 145Fast Times at Ridgemont Retirement Home

Episode 146Font Wars: Helvetica vs Calibri Part 3

Episode 147A Word-for-Word Re-enactment of This Afternoon's Queen Latifah Episode

Episode 148Aaron Aaronson and the First-in-the-Phonebook Caper

Episode 149The Dog Who Had the Opportunity to Lick Itself But Politely Declined

Episode 150Throwing Shade Since 1993

Episode 151Is Not In Right Now. Please Leave a Message After the Theme.

Episode 152Of Mice and Men and Their Mutant Offspring, Mice-Men

Episode 153The Asian Guy Who Actually Appreciated That "Good at Math" Stereotype

Episode 154The Westboro Baptist Church's Surprisingly Moving Stage Version of "Brokeback Mountain"

Episode 155Microwaving Fish at Work Is a War Crime

Episode 156Please Wait While Your Show Title Is Being Processed

Episode 157Two Decades, Two Laughs

Episode 158A Night of 1000 Laughs and 11 Deafening Silences

Episode 159That Spooky Night They Ignored Halloween and Showed Clips from the Last 20 Years